Murder of Dreams

Everyone has dreams. Then life happens. And those dreams are crushed. People often stop doing what they did in college - sports, theatre, singing or dancing. 'I'm married and have a job and family now', they tell me.
Really? Because you have a family, you will murder your dreams? Because your job gives you a salary, you will never do the things you once loved?
A busy life may lower the flame of your dreams, but don't let the fire go out completely. A few hours a week, has to be your dream time.
Those who kill their dreams, also kill a bit of themselves.
Never make that compromise. Live life. Stay alive.

Failure Sucks

Of course failure sucks. It sucks the life force out of you. It makes you feel useless, miserable and lonely. It makes you doubt yourself in every aspect.

All those who say take failure in your stride are talking nonsense. It is like saying take getting kicked in the stomach a hundred times in your stride. No, it isn't possible. Failure hurts. You, me and everyone else.

But there's the thing. Failure may be able to hurt you, but it shouldn't be able to make you quit.

Quitting is in your hands. You fail, you feel sad, maybe you even cry. But don't quit.

People who finally win are not those who don't get hurt by failure. They do. They just don't quit because of failure. They tell failure, 'Yes this hurts. But Mr Failure, all your hurting is not going to make me quit. It will hurt for a while but then I will be back. I will try again, and again. Until I finally win and you no longer exist in my life.'

Home truths on career wives | Chetan Bhagat

Recently, I saw the recently released movie, Cocktail. The plot revolves around a philanderer hero who has to make the tough choice between two hot women. The uber-modern movie was set in London. The characters drank, danced in nightclubs and had one-night stands with aplomb. They worked in new-age aspirational jobs like glamour photography, graphic art and software design. And yet, the guy eventually chooses the girl who cooks home food, dresses conservatively, wins his mother’s approval and is happy to be the ideal Indian wife. In fact, even the rejected girl, a free-spirited, independent woman agrees to change herself. To get the guy, she is happy to cook and change her lifestyle to match that of the ideal Indian wife.
 While the movie was fun, such depictions disturb me a little. When successful, strong women are portrayed as finding salvation in making dal and roti for their husbands, one wonders what kind of India we are presenting to our little girls.
 Really, is that what a woman’s life is all about — to make hot phulkas? Of course, i shouldn’t be so bothered, many would say. It is a Bollywood movie. The commercial pressure to present a palatable story is real. Above all, the makers have a right to tell the narrative they want.
 Yet, when our most modern and forward cinema sinks into regressive territory, it is unfair to our women. It is also depressing because deep down we know such attitudes exist. Many Indian men, even the educated ones, have two distinct profiles of women — the girlfriend material and the wife material. One you party with, the other you take home. The prejudice against non-traditional women who assert themselves is strong.
 Let us look at another part of the world. Yahoo, a leading tech firm and a Fortune 500 company, recently hired a new woman CEO, Marissa Mayer. What’s more, she was six months pregnant when she was hired, a fact she did not hide in her interviews.
 Marissa will take some time off after childbirth and will be back at work later. She can manage both. There is something to celebrate about that. Marissa is a role model for women and even men.
 I’d like Indian men to have an open mind about choosing their life partners and revise their ‘ideal woman’ criteria. Having a traditional wife who cooks, cleans and is submissive might be nice. However, choosing a capable, independent and career-oriented woman can also bring enormous benefits. For instance, one, a man who marries a career woman gets a partner to discuss his own career with. A working woman may be able to relate better to organizational issues than a housewife. A spouse who understands office politics and can give you good advice can be an asset. Two, a working woman diversifies the family income streams. In the era of expensive apartments and frequent lay-offs, a working spouse can help you afford a decent house and feel more secure about finances. Three, a working woman is better exposed to the world. She brings back knowledge and information that can be useful to the family. Whether it’s the latest deals or the best mutual fund to invest in, or even new holiday destinations, a working woman can add to the quality of life. Four, the children of a working woman learn to be more independent and will do better than mollycoddled children. Five, working women often find some fulfillment in their jobs, apart from home. Hence, they may have better life satisfaction, and feel less dependent on the man. This in turn can lead to more harmony. Of course, all these benefits accrue if men are able to keep their massive, fragile egos aside and see women as equals.
 Sure, there are drawbacks also in being with working women. But the modern age that we are in, the phulka-making bride may come at a cost of missing out on other qualities. Please bear that in mind before you judge women based on their clothes, interest in the kitchen or the confidence in their voice.
 My mother worked for 40 years. My wife is the COO at an international bank. It makes me proud. She doesn’t make phulkas for me. We outsource that work to our help, and it doesn’t really bother me. If my wife had spent her life in the kitchen, it would have bothered me more.
 Please choose your partner carefully. Don’t just tolerate, but accept and even celebrate our successful women. They take our homes ahead and our country forward. We may have less hot phulkas, but we will have a better nation.

my thoughts

I see guys spending weeks, months trying to make a girl happy. I see girls waiting endlessly for their guys to call. Is that all your life is about? For your lover to validate you? Or to make a relationship work? Instead, why not focus on yourself - working on your goals, learning something, being a more positive person and helping others. That will boost your self-esteem far more than any lover ever could. Next time that guy or girl treats you badly, say thank you. Say thank you for reminding me that I need to make myself the focus of my life, not you.

Don't mess with IIT excellence | Chetan Bhagat

The recent change to the IIT admission procedures affects a small percentage of Indians. However, it is a glaring example of how politicians and we as a nation have scant respect for excellence.
 The IITs receive disproportionate attention is because they are our symbols of excellence. The institutes have, over the last few decades, built an extraordinary brand for themselves in India and, to a certain extent, even abroad. It is hard to imagine they are state-owned.
 Sure, the IITs are not without their flaws. They suffer from issues like lack of creativity, elitism, conservatism and excessive focus on grades. However, for the large part, the institutes are excellent. It is a middle-class Indian dream to get admission into them, which in turn opens up career opportunities and is a stamp of excellence for life.
 This success has been due to the autonomy provided to the institutes, their resources and the quality of people who work there. The other big reason is a strong, almost draconian joint entrance exam (JEE) system. The college attracts and is able to filter top students who have the ability and determination to excel. On the other hand, given the desirability of the place versus the number of seats, the exam stress for students is immense.
 In a bid to reduce this stress, the HRD ministry has recommended changes to the admission procedures. The changes include a common entrance exam for the IITs and the NITs, a two-paper format including the main test and the advanced test. These changes may bring some streamlining and are not harmful. However, one big change can be a threat to the IITs— giving a 50% weightage to class XII board examination scores.
 These scores would be normalized and could be from any of the 42 state and national boards across the country. Thus, the core component of the IIT selection, its own JEE would be immensely diluted. What will come in its place will be exams based on CBSE or other boards. To score well in board exams, application of concepts or analytical abilities —important indicators of student excellence — are not often required. There is sheer arbitrariness too. In my class XII science subjects, 30% of the weightage was for practicals. Those who were liked by the teacher obtained full marks. Now these marks will count in the IIT selections.
 Needless to say, all sorts of bizarre issues will emerge with this change. Students will fight to get high board marks as well as do well in JEE exams. The stress will not fall; it will in fact rise significantly. Coaching classes will not reduce but multiply, for now they will prepare students for the entrance exams as well as the boards. All purported benefits of this move are non-existent. In scientific terms, it introduces a high element of randomness in the selection procedure, versus the talent of the student.
 The stress can only be reduced if we have more A-grade colleges, with strict quality control. If there are thousands on a train platform and only one train, making the doors wider is not going to help the situation. You have to add more trains.
 And of course, this is the harsh reality our politicians want to hide. The real difference will come if the IITs multiply, or at least help create another engineering college brand. Change will come if Delhi University doubles its intake. Why can’t Delhi University open satellite campuses in Gurgaon or Noida? What is stopping the government from doing so? Why are the rules for education in the private sector so shady? Why don’t good people want to enter private education? These are the questions that need to be answered.
 However, the politics of symbolism has become a lifestyle. Dalit meals, cartoons, temples, entrance exam changes, elite school quotas — all are dished out so that people don’t face the real issues.
 The irony is few Indians care about this violation of excellence. Many even support the move — partly believing fallacies about reducing stress and partly because we don’t think it really matters either way. More than anything, we as a society do not value talent and excellence as much. We feel someone elected to power has the right to control, interfere and even murder excellence. In fact, the bigger question is this — why can’t we let the IITs run themselves? Why are we forcing things down their throat, which will hurt their brand in the long-term?
 The fact is that if the minister announced a lottery to get into the IIT rather than an exam, the majority may support it. After all, most cannot get into an IIT, so a lottery improves their chances. Should we do it then? The current changes are akin to a lottery element being added to the entrance exam. It may even enjoy some public support. However, over time, it will destroy the IITs and make them less excellent. And when some of the excellence that we have in India dies, it hurts.

vijayadashmi today(24th oct 2012)

As the name suggests Vijayadashmi or Dussehra is celebrated on the tenth day of the month of Ashwin according to the Hindi lunisolar calendar which corresponds to September or October of the Gregorian calendar. The first nine days are celebrated as Maha Navratri(Devnagari: नवरात्रि, 'nine nights') or Sharada Navratri (the most important Navratri) and culminates on the tenth day as Dasara.

In India, the harvest season begins at this time and so the Mother Goddess is invoked to start the new harvest season and reactivate the vigor and fertility of the soil. This is done through religious performances and rituals which are thought to invoke cosmic forces that rejuvenate the soil. Many people of the Hindu faith observe Dasara through social gatherings and food offerings to the gods at home and in temples throughout Nepal and India.

On this day in the Treta Yug, Rama, also called Shri Ram, the seventh avatar of Vishnu, killed the great demon Ravana who had abducted Rama's wife Sita to his kingdom of Lanka. Rama, his brother Lakshmana, their follower Hanuman and an army of monkeys fought a great battle to rescue Sita. The entire narrative is recorded in the epic Ramayana, a Hindu scripture.

Rama had performed "Chandi Homa" and invoked the blessings of Durga, who blessed Rama with secret knowledge of the way to kill Ravana. On the day of Ashvin Shukla Dashami, Rama's party found Sita and defeated Ravana. Thus it is termed as Vijaya Dashami. Based on the inferences from Valmiki’s Ramayana, Kalidas’s Raghuvans, Tulsidas’s Ram Charit Manas, and Keshavdas's Ram Chandra Yas Chandrika as well as common perception in India, Rama, Sita, and of Lakshmana returned to Ayodhya on the 30th day of Ashvin (19–20 days after Vijayadashmi). To mark the return of Lord Rama, in the evening, the residents of Ayodhya lit their city with millions of earthen lamps (called Deepak). Since then, this day is celebrated in India as Deepawali or Diwali.

When expensive favours from friends go too far

It is not illegal to have friends. It is not illegal to help a friend either. Indian culture encourages that. Help can be transactional, where both sides simultaneously do things for each other. It can also be one-sided, with only one party doing the other a favour. That isn’t illegal and is common amongst friends.

Why then has the country come up in arms against Robert Vadra? Why does it give people a sick-in-the-gut feeling when hearing about his 600-fold increase in wealth in the last couple of years? Why are so many people angry over him buying luxury apartments, hotel stakes and land, offered as sweet deals from a friend called DLF?

The India Against Corruption (IAC) has done a gutsy and commendable job in bringing these findings to the forefront. Vadra’s shady dealings were common gossip in banking circles for years. The media knew it well too. However, it is the IAC that crystallized the outrage, presented some documents and made it a topic of household discussion.

IAC’s next move, however, demanding an independent investigation into Vadra, is probably going to disappoint them. Firstly, a fair and independent investigation is nearly impossible in India against the Gandhi family, especially when they are in power. Second, and more important, is even if a fair investigation is conducted, there may not be much illegality in what Vadra did (ignoring the charges of fraudulent financial statement, as alleged in some news reports). After all, Vadra made a friend in DLF, and DLF helped Vadra out. That’s all the paper trail may reveal, despite exhaustive investigations. In fact, when powerful people help each other, they are smart enough to keep the paper trail sacrosanct. Expensive lawyers and CAs work hard to ensure the deals have a semblance of legality, whatever the intent.

Proving quid-pro-quo is going to be even more difficult. A company like DLF has a vast presence. It needs the government to cooperate with it in hundreds of places. DLF does not need to do a quid pro quo or transactional help. It would rather do favors and make friends in the government. Favours, as the eponymous character in the novel The Godfather would say, that could be utilized at a later date in the form of return favours.

In fact, proximity and access to the family are of huge value. If DLF seniors are seen hanging out with the Gandhis, would not the Congress CM in Haryana view DLF’s requests, well, a little differently? Neither DLF, nor the family, nor the Haryana government may ever sit down and spell out how each will help the other. They don’t need to, for they are friends. There’s nothing illegal about it, right?

In fact, this lack of, or hard to prove illegality is the cornerstone of the defence put forward by the Congress’ army of spokespersons and eager-beaver sycophants. ‘It’s a private matter’ or ‘prove give and take’ are often the arguments given. It is hard to fault them completely, for the legal bases are probably well covered, or at least very difficult to prove otherwise.

And yet, what happened is ethically wrong. Politicians work for the benefit of common people, not for their friends, business partners and relatives. At least that is the assumption people had about the Gandhi family. People also assumed that they believed in simplicity and were above personal greed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. After all, what use is wearing simple cotton sarees and kurtas, implying simplicity, when your family members are accumulating hundreds of crores by exploiting political power?

There will be a huge price the Gandhis and Congress will pay for this. Ethics may not matter in courts, but do matter in the hearts of people. A family that betrays trust will pay the price in the next election. It may even lose that trust forever.

However, the Gandhis are by no means alone in this. Nor is this just a Congress issue. A large number of politicians have lost track of the idea that every profession in this world has ethics – it may not be illegal to break them but still is definitely wrong. A doctor must treat his patient as soon as possible, it is assumed, under ethical medical practice. But if he delays treatment, it would be hard to prove it illegal. A teacher must try to teach her students well, though if she doesn’t, it won’t be illegal. Society needs ethics as much as laws to function well.

A politician should think a hundred times before forging friendships with people with whom there might be a future conflict of interest, and a million times before they accept any substantial favors. Favours usually oblige one to return them, and if that means hurting the interests of people that put you in that position, the effects can be devastating. Vadra’s foolish greed and love for DLF, and the other family members’ tacit approval, will cost the Gandhis. The cost will be in terms of reputation and esteem. Wise people know these are priceless and far more valuable than anything quoted in rupees per square feet.

Disappointment & Failure

“Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember – if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.
Disappointment’ s cousin is Frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life – friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.” -CHETAN BHAGAT

it's final sem of BHSBIET

gud mrng...waise mujhe pta h koi sunne wala nhi h phir v...it's Saraswati Puja(Vasant Panchmi) today..so a day for the goddess of education..n e ways my vacations are off now in next three days and off to lehragaga for the final semester of BHSBIET,lehragaga...really a strong feeling n emotions covered me and m so worried abt thinking after 4 months..we say goodbye to BHSBIET and also to the frnds which i really love them all...so let's hope for the best...

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it's 2012 nw-happy new year to evry 1

updating my blog 1st tym in 2012 so happy new year to evry 1...this year is a turning point in my career..m gng to opt 4 higher studies(Bachelor of Engg.).m gting rid of diploma(BHSBIET) dis yr..m so hpy nw...:)