after a long time i have realized that i have a blog and need to be updated so again updated
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Murder of Dreams
Everyone has dreams. Then life happens. And
those dreams are crushed. People often stop doing what they did in
college - sports, theatre, singing or dancing. 'I'm married and have a
job and family now', they tell me.
Really? Because you have a family, you will murder your dreams? Because your job gives you a salary, you will never do the things you once loved?
A busy life may lower the flame of your dreams, but don't let the fire go out completely. A few hours a week, has to be your dream time.
Those who kill their dreams, also kill a bit of themselves.
Never make that compromise. Live life. Stay alive.
Really? Because you have a family, you will murder your dreams? Because your job gives you a salary, you will never do the things you once loved?
A busy life may lower the flame of your dreams, but don't let the fire go out completely. A few hours a week, has to be your dream time.
Those who kill their dreams, also kill a bit of themselves.
Never make that compromise. Live life. Stay alive.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Home truths on career wives | Chetan Bhagat
Recently,
I saw the recently released movie, Cocktail. The plot revolves around a
philanderer hero who has to make the tough choice between two hot
women. The uber-modern movie was set in London. The characters drank,
danced in nightclubs and had one-night stands with aplomb. They worked
in new-age aspirational jobs like glamour photography, graphic art and
software design. And yet, the guy eventually chooses the girl who cooks
home food, dresses conservatively, wins his mother’s approval and is
happy to be the ideal Indian wife. In fact, even the rejected girl, a
free-spirited, independent woman agrees to change herself. To get the
guy, she is happy to cook and change her lifestyle to match that of the
ideal Indian wife.
While the movie was fun, such depictions disturb me a little. When successful, strong women are portrayed as finding salvation in making dal and roti for their husbands, one wonders what kind of India we are presenting to our little girls.
Really, is that what a woman’s life is all about — to make hot phulkas? Of course, i shouldn’t be so bothered, many would say. It is a Bollywood movie. The commercial pressure to present a palatable story is real. Above all, the makers have a right to tell the narrative they want.
Yet, when our most modern and forward cinema sinks into regressive territory, it is unfair to our women. It is also depressing because deep down we know such attitudes exist. Many Indian men, even the educated ones, have two distinct profiles of women — the girlfriend material and the wife material. One you party with, the other you take home. The prejudice against non-traditional women who assert themselves is strong.
Let us look at another part of the world. Yahoo, a leading tech firm and a Fortune 500 company, recently hired a new woman CEO, Marissa Mayer. What’s more, she was six months pregnant when she was hired, a fact she did not hide in her interviews.
Marissa will take some time off after childbirth and will be back at work later. She can manage both. There is something to celebrate about that. Marissa is a role model for women and even men.
I’d like Indian men to have an open mind about choosing their life partners and revise their ‘ideal woman’ criteria. Having a traditional wife who cooks, cleans and is submissive might be nice. However, choosing a capable, independent and career-oriented woman can also bring enormous benefits. For instance, one, a man who marries a career woman gets a partner to discuss his own career with. A working woman may be able to relate better to organizational issues than a housewife. A spouse who understands office politics and can give you good advice can be an asset. Two, a working woman diversifies the family income streams. In the era of expensive apartments and frequent lay-offs, a working spouse can help you afford a decent house and feel more secure about finances. Three, a working woman is better exposed to the world. She brings back knowledge and information that can be useful to the family. Whether it’s the latest deals or the best mutual fund to invest in, or even new holiday destinations, a working woman can add to the quality of life. Four, the children of a working woman learn to be more independent and will do better than mollycoddled children. Five, working women often find some fulfillment in their jobs, apart from home. Hence, they may have better life satisfaction, and feel less dependent on the man. This in turn can lead to more harmony. Of course, all these benefits accrue if men are able to keep their massive, fragile egos aside and see women as equals.
Sure, there are drawbacks also in being with working women. But the modern age that we are in, the phulka-making bride may come at a cost of missing out on other qualities. Please bear that in mind before you judge women based on their clothes, interest in the kitchen or the confidence in their voice.
My mother worked for 40 years. My wife is the COO at an international bank. It makes me proud. She doesn’t make phulkas for me. We outsource that work to our help, and it doesn’t really bother me. If my wife had spent her life in the kitchen, it would have bothered me more.
Please choose your partner carefully. Don’t just tolerate, but accept and even celebrate our successful women. They take our homes ahead and our country forward. We may have less hot phulkas, but we will have a better nation.
While the movie was fun, such depictions disturb me a little. When successful, strong women are portrayed as finding salvation in making dal and roti for their husbands, one wonders what kind of India we are presenting to our little girls.
Really, is that what a woman’s life is all about — to make hot phulkas? Of course, i shouldn’t be so bothered, many would say. It is a Bollywood movie. The commercial pressure to present a palatable story is real. Above all, the makers have a right to tell the narrative they want.
Yet, when our most modern and forward cinema sinks into regressive territory, it is unfair to our women. It is also depressing because deep down we know such attitudes exist. Many Indian men, even the educated ones, have two distinct profiles of women — the girlfriend material and the wife material. One you party with, the other you take home. The prejudice against non-traditional women who assert themselves is strong.
Let us look at another part of the world. Yahoo, a leading tech firm and a Fortune 500 company, recently hired a new woman CEO, Marissa Mayer. What’s more, she was six months pregnant when she was hired, a fact she did not hide in her interviews.
Marissa will take some time off after childbirth and will be back at work later. She can manage both. There is something to celebrate about that. Marissa is a role model for women and even men.
I’d like Indian men to have an open mind about choosing their life partners and revise their ‘ideal woman’ criteria. Having a traditional wife who cooks, cleans and is submissive might be nice. However, choosing a capable, independent and career-oriented woman can also bring enormous benefits. For instance, one, a man who marries a career woman gets a partner to discuss his own career with. A working woman may be able to relate better to organizational issues than a housewife. A spouse who understands office politics and can give you good advice can be an asset. Two, a working woman diversifies the family income streams. In the era of expensive apartments and frequent lay-offs, a working spouse can help you afford a decent house and feel more secure about finances. Three, a working woman is better exposed to the world. She brings back knowledge and information that can be useful to the family. Whether it’s the latest deals or the best mutual fund to invest in, or even new holiday destinations, a working woman can add to the quality of life. Four, the children of a working woman learn to be more independent and will do better than mollycoddled children. Five, working women often find some fulfillment in their jobs, apart from home. Hence, they may have better life satisfaction, and feel less dependent on the man. This in turn can lead to more harmony. Of course, all these benefits accrue if men are able to keep their massive, fragile egos aside and see women as equals.
Sure, there are drawbacks also in being with working women. But the modern age that we are in, the phulka-making bride may come at a cost of missing out on other qualities. Please bear that in mind before you judge women based on their clothes, interest in the kitchen or the confidence in their voice.
My mother worked for 40 years. My wife is the COO at an international bank. It makes me proud. She doesn’t make phulkas for me. We outsource that work to our help, and it doesn’t really bother me. If my wife had spent her life in the kitchen, it would have bothered me more.
Please choose your partner carefully. Don’t just tolerate, but accept and even celebrate our successful women. They take our homes ahead and our country forward. We may have less hot phulkas, but we will have a better nation.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
my thoughts
I see guys spending weeks, months trying to
make a girl happy. I see girls waiting endlessly for their guys to call.
Is that all your life is about? For your lover to validate you? Or to
make a relationship work? Instead, why not focus on yourself - working
on your goals, learning something, being a more positive person and
helping others. That will boost your self-esteem far more than any lover
ever could. Next time that guy or girl treats you badly, say thank you.
Say thank you for reminding me that I need to make myself the focus of
my life, not you.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Don't mess with IIT excellence | Chetan Bhagat
The recent change to the IIT admission procedures affects a small
percentage of Indians. However, it is a glaring example of how
politicians and we as a nation have scant respect for excellence.
The IITs receive disproportionate attention is because they are our symbols of excellence. The institutes have, over the last few decades, built an extraordinary brand for themselves in India and, to a certain extent, even abroad. It is hard to imagine they are state-owned.
Sure, the IITs are not without their flaws. They suffer from issues like lack of creativity, elitism, conservatism and excessive focus on grades. However, for the large part, the institutes are excellent. It is a middle-class Indian dream to get admission into them, which in turn opens up career opportunities and is a stamp of excellence for life.
This success has been due to the autonomy provided to the institutes, their resources and the quality of people who work there. The other big reason is a strong, almost draconian joint entrance exam (JEE) system. The college attracts and is able to filter top students who have the ability and determination to excel. On the other hand, given the desirability of the place versus the number of seats, the exam stress for students is immense.
In a bid to reduce this stress, the HRD ministry has recommended changes to the admission procedures. The changes include a common entrance exam for the IITs and the NITs, a two-paper format including the main test and the advanced test. These changes may bring some streamlining and are not harmful. However, one big change can be a threat to the IITs— giving a 50% weightage to class XII board examination scores.
These scores would be normalized and could be from any of the 42 state and national boards across the country. Thus, the core component of the IIT selection, its own JEE would be immensely diluted. What will come in its place will be exams based on CBSE or other boards. To score well in board exams, application of concepts or analytical abilities —important indicators of student excellence — are not often required. There is sheer arbitrariness too. In my class XII science subjects, 30% of the weightage was for practicals. Those who were liked by the teacher obtained full marks. Now these marks will count in the IIT selections.
Needless to say, all sorts of bizarre issues will emerge with this change. Students will fight to get high board marks as well as do well in JEE exams. The stress will not fall; it will in fact rise significantly. Coaching classes will not reduce but multiply, for now they will prepare students for the entrance exams as well as the boards. All purported benefits of this move are non-existent. In scientific terms, it introduces a high element of randomness in the selection procedure, versus the talent of the student.
The stress can only be reduced if we have more A-grade colleges, with strict quality control. If there are thousands on a train platform and only one train, making the doors wider is not going to help the situation. You have to add more trains.
And of course, this is the harsh reality our politicians want to hide. The real difference will come if the IITs multiply, or at least help create another engineering college brand. Change will come if Delhi University doubles its intake. Why can’t Delhi University open satellite campuses in Gurgaon or Noida? What is stopping the government from doing so? Why are the rules for education in the private sector so shady? Why don’t good people want to enter private education? These are the questions that need to be answered.
However, the politics of symbolism has become a lifestyle. Dalit meals, cartoons, temples, entrance exam changes, elite school quotas — all are dished out so that people don’t face the real issues.
The irony is few Indians care about this violation of excellence. Many even support the move — partly believing fallacies about reducing stress and partly because we don’t think it really matters either way. More than anything, we as a society do not value talent and excellence as much. We feel someone elected to power has the right to control, interfere and even murder excellence. In fact, the bigger question is this — why can’t we let the IITs run themselves? Why are we forcing things down their throat, which will hurt their brand in the long-term?
The fact is that if the minister announced a lottery to get into the IIT rather than an exam, the majority may support it. After all, most cannot get into an IIT, so a lottery improves their chances. Should we do it then? The current changes are akin to a lottery element being added to the entrance exam. It may even enjoy some public support. However, over time, it will destroy the IITs and make them less excellent. And when some of the excellence that we have in India dies, it hurts.
The IITs receive disproportionate attention is because they are our symbols of excellence. The institutes have, over the last few decades, built an extraordinary brand for themselves in India and, to a certain extent, even abroad. It is hard to imagine they are state-owned.
Sure, the IITs are not without their flaws. They suffer from issues like lack of creativity, elitism, conservatism and excessive focus on grades. However, for the large part, the institutes are excellent. It is a middle-class Indian dream to get admission into them, which in turn opens up career opportunities and is a stamp of excellence for life.
This success has been due to the autonomy provided to the institutes, their resources and the quality of people who work there. The other big reason is a strong, almost draconian joint entrance exam (JEE) system. The college attracts and is able to filter top students who have the ability and determination to excel. On the other hand, given the desirability of the place versus the number of seats, the exam stress for students is immense.
In a bid to reduce this stress, the HRD ministry has recommended changes to the admission procedures. The changes include a common entrance exam for the IITs and the NITs, a two-paper format including the main test and the advanced test. These changes may bring some streamlining and are not harmful. However, one big change can be a threat to the IITs— giving a 50% weightage to class XII board examination scores.
These scores would be normalized and could be from any of the 42 state and national boards across the country. Thus, the core component of the IIT selection, its own JEE would be immensely diluted. What will come in its place will be exams based on CBSE or other boards. To score well in board exams, application of concepts or analytical abilities —important indicators of student excellence — are not often required. There is sheer arbitrariness too. In my class XII science subjects, 30% of the weightage was for practicals. Those who were liked by the teacher obtained full marks. Now these marks will count in the IIT selections.
Needless to say, all sorts of bizarre issues will emerge with this change. Students will fight to get high board marks as well as do well in JEE exams. The stress will not fall; it will in fact rise significantly. Coaching classes will not reduce but multiply, for now they will prepare students for the entrance exams as well as the boards. All purported benefits of this move are non-existent. In scientific terms, it introduces a high element of randomness in the selection procedure, versus the talent of the student.
The stress can only be reduced if we have more A-grade colleges, with strict quality control. If there are thousands on a train platform and only one train, making the doors wider is not going to help the situation. You have to add more trains.
And of course, this is the harsh reality our politicians want to hide. The real difference will come if the IITs multiply, or at least help create another engineering college brand. Change will come if Delhi University doubles its intake. Why can’t Delhi University open satellite campuses in Gurgaon or Noida? What is stopping the government from doing so? Why are the rules for education in the private sector so shady? Why don’t good people want to enter private education? These are the questions that need to be answered.
However, the politics of symbolism has become a lifestyle. Dalit meals, cartoons, temples, entrance exam changes, elite school quotas — all are dished out so that people don’t face the real issues.
The irony is few Indians care about this violation of excellence. Many even support the move — partly believing fallacies about reducing stress and partly because we don’t think it really matters either way. More than anything, we as a society do not value talent and excellence as much. We feel someone elected to power has the right to control, interfere and even murder excellence. In fact, the bigger question is this — why can’t we let the IITs run themselves? Why are we forcing things down their throat, which will hurt their brand in the long-term?
The fact is that if the minister announced a lottery to get into the IIT rather than an exam, the majority may support it. After all, most cannot get into an IIT, so a lottery improves their chances. Should we do it then? The current changes are akin to a lottery element being added to the entrance exam. It may even enjoy some public support. However, over time, it will destroy the IITs and make them less excellent. And when some of the excellence that we have in India dies, it hurts.
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